You know that euphoric feeling you get when you wear a new dress? You know that exhilaration and extra bouncing your feet give you?  You cat walk on air and you are like a floating balloon. That was me on Sunday when I finally wore my ANKARA dress that I paid half of the obnoxious price for. Beyond doubt, the style was beautiful.

As I dressed, clairvoyance proposed an underwear. I waved it aside. The dress had a liner or lining and “LANDING” according to abe ile tailors.

I had a new shoe I had not worn since I bought it months ago, it matched my dress. Ha, see extra bouncing that Sunday. Its on this kind of rare occasion that I whizz through my dressing before my homeboy. No hollering “oya o, oya o. lets go we are late, how long would it take you to dress, meet me in the car, take your own car’  A cheetah cant race with me, I always have bionic strength and super speed in dressing up. While waiting for homeboy, I went downstairs to take selfie, yes ke. I was very happy, carnally happy. No shursh mind atoratol (in calabar voice).

I strutted, sashayed and swaggered into church (no one cares what you wear in my church) but I still felt good for myself. Mbok Ekaete ris rooking gudu dassal.

Praise worship over, in an attempt to sit down, I heard ‘’froooooom’’. I looked at my homeboy in horrified silence. At his look of inquiry I whispered ‘’aso mi ti faya. I turned to check the extent and heard another froooooooooooooom. Each time I turned it ripped! I looked behind me to see three men seated behind me trying so hard to look ahead. How do I get through service like this?  I could not get up.  I signaled an usher to get me a shawl; it took forever to get me one in my mind. I wrapped it around me and the dress still ripping as I did. This is no embellishment!

I walked out like someone whose dress was stained as eyes fixed on me at the odd dressing. It was hectic getting to where the driver packed the car, even my new shoes decided to add to my discomfort. It was like forever before the driver came with the car. I was already like a ferocious dog standing there, I could bite anyone’s head off because of my hurting my feet. Finally, I went home kicked off the offending shoes and removed the dress. It had ripped from the bottom to the zip level. No exaggeration!

Tailors una wehdone o. some of you cant fintint make heaven lailai aswearit.

So I took it to the tailor again, I am sure some of you thought she would see pepper right? I no kuku fight o me wey God don humble on Sunday. She apologized profusely because it was not properly stitched an oversight, a great negligence that caused me a huge embarrassment in church.